2) Mr. Honda, of the Honda Motor Corporation, died and went to heaven for judgment. At the gates, St. Peter told Mr. Honda, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Mr. Honda thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God. I have a question for Him". St. Peter took Mr. Honda to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. He then asked God, "Aren't you the inventor of women?"
God Said, "Ah, yes. Indeed I am"." Well," said Mr. Honda, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your design." 1- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. 2- It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3- Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5- Plus the monthly down time and aggravation are outrageous, and don't even get me started talking about the maintenance costs. "Hmmmm, you do raise some good points" replied God, "Lets have a wee look." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few things and waited for the results. After a moment God said, "Well, it may be true that my invention seems to be flawed, but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

3) An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

4) A man walked into a bar. There, he saw a beautiful, smartly dressed woman perched on a barstool. Approaching her he said, "Hello there gorgeous. How are you?" Having already had a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it since I got out of college. I just flat ass love it." Eyes wide with interest, he said, "No kidding? I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
 

5) A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

6) An older Chinese lady walks into a city market and says to the fella at the fish counter gimme fommmacl, the young guy says pardon me, the lady says gimme fommmacl ,the young fella says again can you repeat that I did not catch what you said, this time the lady yells it out to him GIMME FOMMMACL, at this point the young guy is a little ticked off and says look lady I don't know what your saying therefore I can't help you, so the Chinese lady reaches down the front of her pants grabs her box and then puts her fingers up under the fellas nose, the guy stands back in disgust and says holy MACKEREL, the lady says yeah gimme four.