We've tried several times to contact Aaron Neville of the Neville Brothers for an interview to promote the show at Town Point Park on June 26, but we failed each time. Well, truth be told, we didn't really try that hard. One of our readers, however, was able to track down the dark mole that sits on Neville's right brow for a personal interview. Like last month's Bob Dylan interview, we question the authenticity of this meeting. But we thought it wise to let the readers decide.
INTERVIEWER: How long have you known Aaron?
THE MOLE: We've known each other our whole lives, but we haven't grown close until just recently.
INTERVIEWER: Have you ever wondered why Aaron has never gotten you surgically removed. Don't you think that you've hindered his career?
THE MOLE: In fact, I have. There was a point in the mid 80's, when Aaron's career really started to take off that we began detesting each other, but we worked through it. Now we're a team, and I think that Aaron sees me as his trademark now.
INTERVIEWER: I, personally, think that Aaron's true trademark is his tight jeans. Every time that I've ever seen him, I noticed that he likes to wear his jeans extremely tight. Does he know that tight jeans lower your sperm count?
THE MOLE: (laughing) I'm sure that to Aaron a low sperm count is a small price to pay for showing off his package. Also, how else do you think he's able to hit those high notes when singing falsetto?
INTERVIEWER: Do you play an instrument? If so, what instrument do you play?
THE MOLE: No, I'm just a spectator. I have a great view up here on Aaron's brow. He's the star; I'm just along for the ride.
INTERVIEWER: Don't you feel just a tad bit guilty for riding on the coattails of Aaron's fame?
THE MOLE: Why should I? His brothers have done it for years. I'm a lot closer to him than they are. Do you think its easy sitting up here being mocked and laughed at, being asked these ridiculous questions? You think you're so smart and funny, don't you? Well, I have news for you, mister, you're a nobody. I've met and been with some of the biggest names in show business. I've had my picture taken thousands of times, hundreds of television appearances...
INTERVIEWER: (calming) Please, don;t take it personal. I have to ask the tough questions.
THE MOLE: Tough. Smough. I guess that next you;ll be asking me if I plan to turn cancerous.
INTERVIEWER: Well?
THE MOLE: That;s it! This interview;s over. Come on, Aaron. Let;s get the hell outta here. This schmuck doesn;t know his ass from a mole on the forehead.